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Re-thinking the Primary Boardman
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Squelches how many times have looked out on a spring board only to see a massive Primary Boardman loitering at the end smoking, sleeping, or complaining about how exhausted they are from the trek out there? Its a seldom discussed possibility that the removal of the excess weight carried by the archetypal Primary Board-man, calculated as E = P S where E = excess wt., P = Primary wt., S = Squelch wt. (the "optimum"), could make a log canoe faster. The additional weight on the boards has diminishing returns as the canoe's hull speed is approached. If you cant go any faster with more sail area, why not trade in that lumbering bunch for a civilized set of nimble Squelches? Less sail area, lighter masts and spring boards, and an All Squelch Crew might be a winning combination.
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What you really need is a boardman who is smarter than the board and just a little crazy. Smarter than the board is important because too many boardmen get their butts kicked by the board they are trying to throw. Crazy is important because, let's face it, no sane person is going out there.
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You are correct in saying that no sane person would go out on the end of a board but then again how many sane people actually race these crazy sailboats?
One can be smart and crazy most of the time they do go hand in hand.
Stupid and crazy are the people you see on you tube saying the infamous words "hey guys watch this" soon there after their hair is on fire or they have a broken arm due to their stupidity. -
I learned long ago to let the board do my work for me; all you need is the initial forceful shove (which only primaries have the strength/caloric stores to pull off) to teach him who's boss. Finagling around with little nudgings this way and that leads to instant swimming. Also, a squelch's petite build leads to instability at the end of the board. The last (and only) time my squelch tried to be a primary, he blew off in the gusts twice and we had to fetch him out of a whitecappy Chester.
This same squelch fetched me out of the Chester on Saturday, alarmed at the dying walrus belch emitted when my gut struck the gunwhale at peak velocity. Squelches have their use.
However, and this can be tested at the Boardman Olympics, but I feel I am just as nimble as any squelch at least when it comes to racing to the end of a springboard. -
Sailing back to the Corsica on Sunday following a one-and-gun, I had my squelch replace me briefly on the middle board, and then I tried my hand at squelching. I didn't like it one bit. I outweigh him by a good 50+ pounds, and even so I found it claustrophobic to have someone perched above me, pushing me into the bilge during lulls and headers.
The inside of a board is no place for a primary. This will be my excuse to put off any major weight loss for years to come. -
How about being tethered to your squelch? Keeps them out of trouble and on the other tack in case they get "nudged off" by the primary's presence they can easily be retrieved and placed back onto the board without fuss of circling around or wasting precious "squelch furry" by swimming. -
The Gov Cup is a rough gig for a Squelch. No kite...no staysail...nobody likes unemployment. We just hang out by the mainmast and wait for work to show up. There's not even anything to sing about. Any loggin' number might as well just be an instrumental that day...or possibly something by UB40.
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We had a squelchie fall off to leeward during a gybe on Saturday afternoon. And he took a board with him! I know you primaries have a lot to do, but keep track of your squelchies. A small gust of wind and they can become airborne!
